I fear you. I love you. I love you, but I fear you? I fear you, but I love you? I am one of those OTHERS from another country who came in back in the 80s. Thanks to Reagan era immigration policies and an astute mom, me and my family became naturalized Americans two weeks before my 18th birthday.
At 6 years old, I came in the same way many still do today, but people keep trying to tell me still that THEY, THOSE OTHERS, must be kept out because they don't belong here - because they're not like US. But the thing is that the US that you've decide I'm a part of is just like THEM. What about that? What happens then?
Being an immigrant child who grows up in this country to become an adult citizen or being the first generation to be born an American citizen, you likely have a head-spinning life. Or maybe not. But I definitely had a tug-a-war type of internal turmoil as I've felt like I've been straddling different worlds all of my life. And the way the world is right now is stirring things up a lot; know what I mean?
I've said a million times before that I'm an immigrant and I own that part of my identity, but my experience is one of many so I can't really expertly speak on any.
My experience as an immigrant is both a part and apart form all the other stories of people originally born somewhere else on the globe. Mine, like most, is a story of love and resilience and a little magic too. I want that for more people, but that's not what most folx seem to want right now in this country. We prefer to see others struggle just like we did or if we didn't have such challenges, we believe it's because we deserved that good fortune and OTHERS don't.
It's pretty clear that we're back to a time in our history where XENOPHOBIA is being taught by politicians and in the media and, not surprisingly, it is the darker and poorer peoples across the globe whom we are told to fear and keep out of our borders.
Now, xenophobic US born white people don't surprise me, but I get enraged when I have to hear the xenophobia ooze from my own immigrant and first generation friends who now live here. I don't get it; how quickly we seem to forget. And why? Is it because we're under some spell of ambition or is it easier to believe in American exceptionalism because that's served us well?
I find that those who have an easier time accessing education, climbing the socio-economic ladder, or accessing assets and wealth can more quickly jump ship politically to support business-first positions even though those same politicians are hankering to subjugate your people either here or back in our native lands. 45's election was proof that we, non-white Americans, get xenophobic too! The more we lay claims to our American identity, the more we seem to posture like bros against OTHERS. When one does, white people support us and make us feel like one of them. That is until one of you realizes that you're not white and how for many people means you're NOT an American or less of one. Being confronted with that is sobering.
Now, for many people, our American identity has taken big hits. We're a joke to many. Internationally we're measured by our leaders and the major 'news-worthy' events and it's easy to see that, for the most part, the leaders and news all sucks. Basically, we're greedy xenophobic incompetent racist cry-babies. But we call it nationalism or America-first Capitalism. None of that is me nor is who I want to be; I want to be the opposite of that mess.
Well, that's all good, but what's the opposite of xenophobia? It's xenophilia; right? Well, yes and no or not quite.
Xenophilia can be a word used to describe an attraction or love for foreign people, manners, or cultures, but it's also commonly used to describe sexual attraction to foreign people or things. Either way, let's explore the idea of xenophilia; shall we?
I don't know if this is something that everyone experiences, but as I started dating in my teens and early 20s, one thing I had to face because it was imposed upon me is this idea that I was "exotic." I didn't see myself as exotic, but I got that messaging because I grew up and dated in largely white spaces. I didn't see it for all that it was back then, but it's something that stayed with me forever. Once I was introduced to this idea, it was sort of reinforced most of my life with the regular questioning of where I come from. Since I do come from elsewhere, I've been used to answering this question as part of an intro routine as I enter new academic or work spaces, but there have been many times in my life when perfect strangers have asked me to explain what I am because to some, I am perceived as ethnically ambiguous. And I know I'm not alone in this experience.
One thing I learned growing up was that the disclosure of my otherness elicited a variety of responses whilst my uncategorizable appearance simultaneously lent itself to not being known or seen easily and flying under the radar. When people don't have reference points about your culture or lived experience, they tend to pull from stereotypes to make you fit some box or they dismiss or ignore your culture and experience as they tell "you're one of us." I knew I was different; I was constantly reminded in big and small ways so under the radar was a comfortable place for me. I had few close friends, but I was willing and did hang out with everybody or better put, with anybody who would have me.
I'd get mostly. positive responses when I said I was from Peru if the person knew where it even was on a map or a little history. Some folx in my younger days, whom now I realize may be xenophiles, would get a bit under my skin with their animated reactions to the news that I was Peruvian. They'd really get a kick out of the fact that I had ties to Machu Picchu where they'd just visited. They were so intense in their joy as they described their experience in my sacred native land and proudly shared their knowledge of the Quechua people and the Inka Empire. These are all well-meaning people, but I remember how flat it fell every time since, at that point, I hadn't traveled back to Peru to see the sights yet and I certainly wasn't taught Peruvian history in school. You see every time this happened, I had to search my mind for what I knew in case these "gringos" tried to question my ethnic authenticity.
I'd get mad back then and jealous that there were Americanos with the money to travel to my native lands and learn about my culture and pretend to appreciate it so much while I was stuck in the US rejecting parts of my culture - my otherness - busting my ass to work and keep up with what's what just trying to fit in.
Xenophilia isn't just the love and affection for a people or culture outside of your own; it speaks more a somewhat problematic attraction based on illusions or idealized stereotypes. This can also be destructive as it can breed cultural appropriation or cultural cringe. I think I have culture cringe about our American culture as it stands today, but I'm hopeful that we can change both my feelings about our culture and the culture itself.
We see cultural appropriation all the time. I see it a lot in the spiritual spaces I'm in where a lot of white American people appropriate Indigenous and African cultures in their practices without crediting, honoring, or supporting the very people who brought these teachings into the world.
