April's Fool: Accepting my Aries Rising

Happy April Fool's Day! Can you believe it? It's the start of the 4th month of 2022, which means that Aries season is in full swing. Yay! It's Spring!

Like the Fool in a tarot deck, April is a month that represents new beginnings and fresh starts. Well, today, I initiated the month and honored this new moon day with a wedding. To top it off, the groom was an Aries and the bride a Gemini; a highly compatible pair. There were a lot of esoteric energies at play and it was symbolically perfect!

As you've probably deduced, I'm into astrology! I still consider myself a novice, but I like this kind of stuff a lot. I'm not so much into reading horoscopes, but I enjoy looking up natal charts and learning new things about myself and others. It's fun! I'm also into psychology and sociology, but astrology offers additional insights that help me understand people.

April is also a big birthday month for many in my family. I have uncles, aunts, and cousins who are Aries people. Among them are my father and my abuelita, my mom's mother. I love these humans and I'm grateful I still have them to hug and to learn from. Still, they share some traits with each other that I'm not a fan of and that I also see in myself.

According to western astrology, Aries is the FIRST sign of the zodiac, part of the element of FIRE and ruled by MARS, the planet named after the Roman God of War. By all accounts it is an intense sign whose natives are full of passion, curiosity, and confidence. But if and when an Aries person is unbalanced and/or you experience them in one of their worst moments, you may notice that they can be quite destructive.

Now, of course, plenty of people can cause damage regardless of their astrological signs, but I'm here to talk about some of the Aries tendencies that I've attempted to deny are a part of me; ones I've often rejected and need to accept.

Since I was a teen, I've known about different personality types according to the cosmos, but I rarely paid attention to anything other than people's Sun sign because it's the easiest to figure out without having to know the time and location of where someone is born.

But as I got older and explored the astros more, I discovered that I also was part Aries; it is my rising sign (aka ascendant). At the time, I remember not being happy with this news.

Why? Because your rising sign has to do with how you project yourself onto the world; it reflects your social personality. Some refer to the ascendant as the mask you wear; how others perceive you. Well, I definitely did not want to be seen as Aries or known to be one.

¿Por qué? Because I experienced the infamous Aries temper first-hand; it was in my household. I did not like being an Aries because I did not want to be like my father.

The quickness with which a gust of rage passed through our mostly calm and nurturing home caught everyone off guard, especially since it always seemed to come from out of nowhere. Sometimes it would come and go without catching fire and sometimes the spark ignited and threatened to burn it all down. That's how it felt to me anyway when my dad got mad!

My father is a good man and a great dad; we've mended things over the years and are closer now than ever before. I'm not interested in talking about past trauma or resentments. This is more about dealing with my disdain for my ascendant and reintegrating pieces of me so that I love myself more wholly.

Unlike me, my papi has always been proud of being an Aries Sun and when we later found out he was also an Aries rising, he felt even more affirmed in his identity. Heck, part of the reason he bought a Dodge and not a Ford truck is because Dodge had the RAM, the horned beast that represents Aries.

I, on the other hand, felt very uneasy because it was external confirmation beyond blood ties that bound me to this macho man that yelled a lot when I was growing up. Despite all my effort, we were more similar than I ever cared to admit. The truth is that my fuse can be short at times under certain circumstances and, yes, I've been known to go off! It's not a pretty sight!

It's scary to me and to those who are on the other end of my venom. I hate it! While my behavior may be rationalized or understood, it definitely should not be excused! Violence in all its forms is wrong and just because I'm not physically aggressive or hurt others with my hands, I still cause pain with the roar of my voice when I rage. I end up feeling all kinds of embarrassed and ashamed immediately afterwards and end up going down a self-loathing spiral.

Unlike my dad who didn't seem know better in his younger days, I did! I knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of his wrath; so, I knew early on that I did not want to be or sound so angry. But I could and I did. And as I got older and took more punches than I knew I could take from life's many injustices, I decided that, at least, some of my anger was justified and even righteous. Of course, that was wrong too, it was just an excuse not to face the truth about my rage.

I worked hard to tame the beast over the years, but that horned little devil didn't disappear. He lingers in the darkest corners of my mind, out of sight, but still there. I think it's partly because I, like many of us who want to be better than the worst versions of ourselves, tend to turn a blind eye and refuse to see that the angry little is just hurt and needs my attention.

So, rather than wait until my twisted little friend once again rears its ugly head, I embrace it and hold it tight so it can listen to my heart and remember that there's plenty of light inside too. And I tell it that it's on ME to let that light shine through. It's on me to shine bright!

That's why, I'd like to take a moment to love on my April's Fool and continue on my healing process. It helps knowing that I'm not the only one struggling with such things; heck there are people like Rihanna who are Aries!

Listen: Diamonds by Rihanna