I was a queer teacher in a public middle school back in 2006, but I started my journey in "the closet." It took me a year to come out. That first year of teaching in Philly was hard, but it was made infinitely harder knowing that I could not be myself without risking it all.
Unlike other teachers who could pass for straight, I was very very "gay" no matter how much I tried to neutralize my queerness. Kids could tell and being the kids that they were, they were often cruel (because we taught them to be) and said very homophobic things to me. I tried to not show that it affected me, but kids are smart; they notice things and can tell us about ourselves more than we care to admit.
That first year, I had to contend with all kinds of things, but what caused me the most pain is that I couldn't openly and honestly talk to my students. So, while I tried to create an environment where bullying wasn't allowed by not being able to directly address why the homophobia I was experiencing was not okay, I failed to make my space safe for all. I had to figure out ways to talk about the rampant homophobia I was witnessing and experiencing without talking about it as my authentic self.
At the time, the support I had from Teach for America, the program through which I became a teacher, was minimal. The "affinity groups" they had during our condensed teacher training allowed me to join certain groups of teachers with whom I shared some identities and lived experiences. I was part of an LGBTQIA+ teacher group and the leaders of it had a blanket suggestion for all teachers that basically said, "don't worry about it; and there's no need to bring it up because kids don't care."
What may have worked for her was not working for me. They were unable to offer any suggestions for how to deal with a barrage of homophobic comments students were slinging in my direction. I knew that part of it was just that they're at the stage where they're pushing boundaries and getting under teachers' nerves was part of it, but TFA tried to tell me it was a respect issue. I knew I had to earn their respect, but they didn't want to hear about my ideas on how I thought I could do that. How else do you earn someone's respect if not by being your authentic self?
I was forced to go at it on my own. At the end of the year, I'd had enough and decided that the only way I could continue teaching is if I could be myself and address kids's curiosities and/or concerns directly. That's when I went and talked to my principal and asked for her support to allow me to teach a book about bullying and related it to all kinds of bullying, including some of the homophobic language and behavior I was experiencing. She agreed, but basically told me that I was on my own if parents came after me.
At the time, I didn't have the resources I'm sure I can now find, but I did my best and it worked. At the end of the book and after all the lessons, I finally built up the courage to very explicitly come out to my students by directly addressing the pain it caused me to hear some of the derogatory language they used in general and the specific instances of attacks against me. I'd already taught them a lot about derogatory language of all kinds, including specific homophobic terminology because I did address these things as they came up. They knew what the words meant and where many came from and why it was so hurtful to certain groups of people. But it wasn't until I related the very personal impact it all has on me that the kids finally got it.
As a result of my coming out, the homophobic attacks ceased and if/when anyone tried to test me, my students were the ones to shut it down. They had my back. I allowed them to ask me questions, but always maintained professional boundaries and informed them of things any teacher would share, like the fact that I did had a partner. The ones who always push boundaries tried, but now I felt empowered to address them directly and explain the inappropriateness of their questioning. Beyond the burden that had been lifted from me, the biggest gains were in my ability to establish trust and respect in my classroom.
I learned that kids can see right through you when you feel uncomfortable or are being dishonest in some way and that's how I felt being forced to be in a closet I resented. They used it against me, not because they're evil, but because they knew they were on to something and poking at adults they don't trust or feel safe around is part of what some do. Like the rest of us, they're trying to navigate the world and learn the rules and decide for themselves what makes sense and they can smell the fear and insincerity a mile away. Like adults, they don't appreciate being lied to or condescended to and respond better when we treat them like the capable, empathetic humans that they are.
The plus side to my coming out was finding out little by little that some of my students had queer parents and some of them were budding little rainbow children too. I mean, I knew that was a possibility, but I didn't realize how important it would be to their academic performance to be seen by the adults in their schools - to know that they and their families were respected and appreciated and that there were people on their side who would defend them in this world that likes to prey on the most vulnerable among us.
I taught in a predominantly Black school with very few teachers that were neither Black or White; so, aside from the homophobia, some of us Asian and Latinx educators had to contend with some seriously racist crap from our students. I was more comfortable talking to students about this stuff and was able to nip this kind of stuff in the bud quickly, likely because I'd had more practice being direct and honest about race and race relations. But many in my cohort did not; so, just like I got homophobic slurs, my counterparts were dealt a series of racist epitaphs that marked their early teaching experiences.
I share this because RIGHT NOW in 2022, the teaching profession as a whole is under attack, subjugated to partisan hateful legislation that is forcing many to leave the classroom. The tormentors of many are no longer their students pushing boundaries, but the parents who've been brainwashed by politicians to infiltrate the schools and impose their desired and largely bigoted curriculum under the guise of parental rights. Like the pandemic didn't do enough harm to our school communities, now we have fascist politicians like the governor of Florida imposing laws that set parents and teachers and students up for failure. They are actively pushing to eradicate any progress made in the last couple of decades that have helped make many of our schools more inclusive and appreciative of diversity.
And they're doing this for what? Our schools have failed our children, especially our poorest children enough, but instead of doing something substantial to support public education, these politicians are bringing the culture wars into our schools. These laws are making our classrooms more unsafe than ever. The GOP has decided to repeat ad nauseam "Critical Race Theory" and "Transgenderism" as being part of the Left's agenda to indoctrinate of our young students; neither of which is true. But according to them, my talking about race and LGBTQIA+ issues or American history as a whole basically puts me at risk for breaking the law.
These laws are driving people out of education and leaving our students, especially our students of color and our LGBTQIA+ kids and families, in the lurch. Trans students and their parents are literally leaving Florida and other Conservative states because anti-trans legislation is at an all-time high. But rather than listen to students and educators who are directly being impacted by these regressive policies, parents are falling for the partisan culture wars that the GOP is doubling down on. Schools and states will be losing some parents and students as a direct result; those who can afford to flee. But what happens to those that don't have the means to pick up and go? Once again the poorest among us will suffer the most and that includes the same MAGA supporters and others siding with the RIGHT even though they're consistently on the wrong side of history.
Teachers need our support right now. Many of them are holding on by a thread and it's the intolerant and righteous adults, not the students, that are tormenting them. Sadly, not enough have the bandwidth to address these more recent attacks and I think it's about time for the teacher unions and all the teaching programs out there to step up and LOUDLY address these realities of bigotry head on. We need practice not just theory and people on our side.
